BAD NEWS!!
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24th November 2009, my birthday...
Since being diagnosed I have received the full on chemo and have now been on maintenance since January 2009. So, I receive part of the chemo cocktail to stall the cancer at the stage it's at as the cancer is not curable. That's all well and good as the chemo now is not as harsh as CHOP-R. My next 3 monthly maintenance was due on January 14.
One week ago it was my birthday and a year and 2 months since my diagnosis. I had an average day as I had to work but it was ok. No celebrations, just some gifts and a cake that's enough for me. Dad called me just after dinner to give the happy birthday phone call (thanks to my sis for reminding him.. hehe) It was a great call and always is when dad calls as he is funny and has got stories to tell.
I went for a shower when I hung up the phone. I was washing my body and found a slight lump in my groin, I kept running my hand over it to make sure what I was feeling was the same lumps I felt a year and 2 months ago. I called Peta in, my heart pounding, we both just stared at each other in shock, just silence. I finished in the shower and sat on the couch, told Peta I would skip work the next day and go straight to the doctor to get sorted and tested again. We began to watch telly to forget about it, but i couldn't. I looked at Peta and just cried telling her I was freaking out. I don't want to do this again, what does this mean.
So now, I have been for tests and it has confirmed the cancer is back. Not as bad as previous but it is coming. Tomorrow I have an appointment with my oncologist to determine what happens from here. I'm scared, but prepared. All I know is that whatever they throw at me tomorrow I am taking on with a big heart and positive thoughts. That's what got me through last time and I'm sure it will again. Living for myself and for my family. My gorgeous nieces and nephews are my world and are what's keeping me pushing through, and my wonderful supportive families. Life can't get tougher for me.. this is it.. try as the old guy might up there, but sorry DUDE.. I'M JUST NOT READY! :o)
Since being diagnosed I have received the full on chemo and have now been on maintenance since January 2009. So, I receive part of the chemo cocktail to stall the cancer at the stage it's at as the cancer is not curable. That's all well and good as the chemo now is not as harsh as CHOP-R. My next 3 monthly maintenance was due on January 14.
One week ago it was my birthday and a year and 2 months since my diagnosis. I had an average day as I had to work but it was ok. No celebrations, just some gifts and a cake that's enough for me. Dad called me just after dinner to give the happy birthday phone call (thanks to my sis for reminding him.. hehe) It was a great call and always is when dad calls as he is funny and has got stories to tell.
I went for a shower when I hung up the phone. I was washing my body and found a slight lump in my groin, I kept running my hand over it to make sure what I was feeling was the same lumps I felt a year and 2 months ago. I called Peta in, my heart pounding, we both just stared at each other in shock, just silence. I finished in the shower and sat on the couch, told Peta I would skip work the next day and go straight to the doctor to get sorted and tested again. We began to watch telly to forget about it, but i couldn't. I looked at Peta and just cried telling her I was freaking out. I don't want to do this again, what does this mean.
So now, I have been for tests and it has confirmed the cancer is back. Not as bad as previous but it is coming. Tomorrow I have an appointment with my oncologist to determine what happens from here. I'm scared, but prepared. All I know is that whatever they throw at me tomorrow I am taking on with a big heart and positive thoughts. That's what got me through last time and I'm sure it will again. Living for myself and for my family. My gorgeous nieces and nephews are my world and are what's keeping me pushing through, and my wonderful supportive families. Life can't get tougher for me.. this is it.. try as the old guy might up there, but sorry DUDE.. I'M JUST NOT READY! :o)
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